In today’s polarizing climate, political conversations can feel a little more like an emotional warzone than an actual conversation. If you spend even a few minutes scrolling on social media, it’s inevitable that you’ll come across a politically charged post with an unforgiving comments section, ruled mostly with hate. But these heated conversations don’t only take place in an online world—they can come up at school, work or even amongst your own family and household. Moments like these can feel overwhelming, as if you have to choose a side and fully support it, or risk being outcasted. 

But knowing how to engage in respectful conversations is more crucial now than ever. Whether it be while talking to family or a random, heated stranger, learning how to navigate your opposing political perspectives can expand your views and help you find common ground with someone. As Fullerton College Associate Professor of Communication Studies Joel Salcedo says, “Division is probably inevitable, but the degree of division and the way that it fractures communities doesn’t have to be inevitable.” 

Here’s how to build the skills to have those difficult conversations:   

1: Practice Active Listening 

Active listening is crucial to maintaining respectful dialogue. It’s not just about hearing what the other person is saying but genuinely trying to understand the other person’s perspective. Otherwise, conversations can quickly turn into people simply talking past each other and staying stuck in their own points of view. 

• Maintain eye contact and give nonverbal cues like nodding or leaning in to show that you’re engaged. 

• Paraphrase what the other person has said to confirm that you understand them. “People need to make sure that they’re not being misheard, misunderstood, or misrepresented,” Salcedo says. 

2: Find Common Ground 

Even in the most divided conversations, there are usually shared values and goals hiding beneath the surface. “You have to build a foundation of, ‘Where is there overlap?’” says Salcedo. “Particularly in the value system, that’s huge. You can’t ignore that.” Finding those commonalities can help shift a conversation from combative to collaborative.  

• Search for underlying values driving each perspective. For example, in a debate about climate change, one person might argue for strict environmental regulations, while the other resists government mandates. The issue isn’t really climate change, Salcedo says. It’s that one person feels their freedom is being threatened. 

• Try framing your disagreements as differences in an approach to something, rather than as differing morals. In doing so, your conversations might feel less like personal attacks and more like a mutual effort towards solving a problem. 

3: Manage Your Emotions 

Naturally, political conversations can easily trigger big, strong emotions, especially when someone’s core values and beliefs feel threatened or questioned. Understanding how to de-escalate things keeps discussions from becoming hostile. “We’re not machines,” Salcedo says. “Emotions are an inevitable part of our experience when we’re arguing. So, it’s going to be really hard to ever suggest that someone should divorce their emotions from their conversations.”  

• Pause and assess the situation when emotions run high. Taking a deep breath or suggesting a short break can prevent  hurtful and brash statements. 

• Reflect on the goal of your conversation. Salcedo suggests asking yourself, “Do I want to understand you better, or do I want you to recognize that I’m right?” 

4: Stay Curious and Open-Minded 

Approach your discussions with curiosity instead of judgment. People’s beliefs are often influenced by personal experiences, and understanding those origins can help you empathize with them — even when you still disagree. “It’s just a difference in what we were exposed to, what we experienced, what we saw,” says Salcedo. “When that’s the case, then we agree to disagree, and we can talk about why we see things that way.” Curiosity and an open mind allow for both parties to learn, not just about each other, but more about their own beliefs as well.  

• Ask open-ended questions to understand the other person’s point of view, The simplest is, “Why do you think that?” Or “Why do you think that way?” 

• Gently test for inconsistencies in their views and the points that they are making. This isn’t to “win” the argument, but to encourage moments of self-reflection. For instance, if someone argues for freedom in one context but limits it in another, you can ask questions that explore any possible contradiction.  

5: Know When to Walk Away 

Not every conversation will lead to a resolution, and that’s okay. Sometimes, the best decision is to disengage and walk away from the discussion. Knowing when to take a step back isn’t giving up but rather saving your time and energy for the discussions where mutual understanding is actually possible. 

• Recognize when the discussion is no longer productive. If someone is deep in their views and completely unwilling to listen, continuing the debate will only continue to drain you. 

• Respectfully end the conversation. You might try saying something like, “I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me. It seems like we see this topic differently, but I’m glad we could talk. Thank you for your time.” 

The ability to discuss our differences without tearing each other down is an important skill. “Ultimately, we need to be able to cooperate with each other,” Salcedo says. “Being able to argue it out and get to the bottom of things is an essential skill to be able to coexist in a democracy like ours.” 

This appeared in the Summer 2025 print issue of Inside Fullerton.