In an effort to create a more sensitive and bias-free environment for all of its students, University of New Hampshire released a controversial language guide.

This guide has taken words that shouldn’t be controversial and twisted the argument so many ways the no words are safe from being offensive.

So, why can’t I use words in their correct meaning? The answer is hyper-political correctness.

In this politically correct world, it seems as if you can’t have a conversation longer that a minute or two without offending someone or somewhere at some point.

This trend is quickly spiraling out of control. What’s next? Newspeak and Thought Police? Ingsoc for everyone! If you don’t know what I’m talking about please educate yourself before you make decisions and read Orwell’s “1984” for the references.

After reading this guide, I realized that if I didn’t know it was serious, I would have laughed until my gut turned into rock-hard abs. Sadly they are absolutely serious and if this is the direction we are going in, then I weep for the First Amendment.

Listen, this is ridiculous and it has to stop. I’m a liberal and even I know this is going way too far.

If I may, I will tell you of some of the faux pas words that should no longer be used and what their suggested replacements are.

You can’t ask if someone is American anymore. They don’t want to offend people from Canada or South America. Now you ask them if they are a “resident” or “citizen of the United States” (I am assuming you’re also wearing your green uniform cowboy hat and boarder patrol badge when asking this because it seems very confrontational and intrusive).

You can’t refer to someone as homosexual, the scientific term, now you refer to them as “same-gender loving.” I couldn’t make this up for a stand-up comedy routine if I tried.

Are you “poor?” I am! I think almost all independent community college students are living on or below the poverty line. Wrong! You are now a “person who lacks advantages that others have.” I think I’m more offended by the fix than the problem itself. I don’t lack things, besides money…and the right to speak freely, apparently.

What’s the opposite? Well, “rich” of course. Oh wait…that’s not enough words to be PC. The brain trust at UNH have it covered though; “a person of material wealth” is preferred. Makes them sound very shallow and vapid to me and seems like you’re putting them in a box where that’s all they have.

“Fat” and “obese” are out, “people of size” is in. “Senior citizen” and “old” is now “people of advanced age.”

“You guys” is no more, now you have: “folks,” “you people” (yup, you people is politically correct now) and “Y’all.”

BOOM! Thats the sound of my head exploding. A term from the historically inclusive and tolerant South is being used in political correctness! The pigs are a-flyin folks!

Apple is going to have to come up with the “iThink” very soon. That way you don’t have to speak words out loud and others will instantaneously understand the context they were meant to be in and avoid anyone’s ultra sensitive feelings from being hurt.

Or maybe, just maybe, we can all just grow up! Stop looking for witches, warlocks or people of magical power in questioning or transition in everything we say, do and hear. The planet is melting, and this is what we spend our time on?

It’s too much! Get thicker skin, don’t be such a wuss. I mean, “person who whines, complains, is afraid of, is un-willing to or stays away from slightly tough tasks or issues.”

No one has time to tiptoe on egg shells all day. As college students, we are usually running to and from work, classes, family obligations or the dispensary to get the only thing that helps us deal with this state of civilization we live in today.

For god sakes, where will it end?

Here. It ends here. Every week I’ll be fighting the battle against senseless political correctness, ridiculous traditions, foolish decision and pointless stupidity.

I can’t handle it anymore, Christoph is now pissed off!

Feel free to comment and join the discussion because everyone deserves to be heard and have their own word.