It’s easy to be negative about the Academy Awards- there’s no other option.

Somewhere between its poorly conceived montages and painfully unfunny skits, the annual Oscar telecast almost dares viewers not to hate the Hollywood establishment and everything it stands for.

Second only to the red-carpet preshow, the Oscars lead in self-congratulatory decadence. The 85th Annual Academy Awards proved no different. Its length alone is an endurance test.

This year the show’s producers picked “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane to host, no doubt an attempt to attract a younger, dumber audience. MacFarlane, like just about every host before him with the exception of Billy Crystal, was a disaster.

There were groans and silences–justified groans and silences; he wasn’t funny. Not by a long shot. There were times when it wasn’t clear whether he was joking or being serious.

Halfway through the opener, William Shatner appeared on a screen and critiqued MacFarlane’s performance from the ‘future.’ Shatner showed MacFarlane headlines proclaiming him the worst Oscar host ever.

This might’ve been funny, but by this point in the show it was clear MacFarlane could very well qualify for the distinction.

To be fair to MacFarlane, though, the Oscar crowd is notoriously tough. His best joke (“I would argue that the actor who really got inside Lincoln’s head was John Wilkes Booth”) was met with gasps.

And it didn’t help MacFarlane that the rest of the show dragged on for an excruciating three-and-a-half hours.

Add to that spades of witless banter among the presenters and wretchedly sentimental montages, and you’ve got a recipe for embarrassment.

This wasn’t even train wreck caliber. A train wreck suggests a terminal point of collision and its subsequent release of energy. Not so here.

Even when it ended, it wouldn’t end; MacFarlane and a woman named Kristen Chenoweth still had one last number to perform, which bombed harder than anything before it.

The most interesting parts of any Oscar telecast are the speeches. The Oscar producers apparently don’t agree, since it’s the only part of the show they’ve insisted on keeping tight.

This year the theme from “Jaws” notified the winners to wrap it up.

If this didn’t work, they cut off their microphones entirely, as the Best Visual Effects winner experienced. He thanked his colleagues, talked about the financial difficulties one of them was facing, and was cut off.

“Django Unchained” mastermind Quentin Tarantino won for Best Original Screenplay, his second since “Pulp Fiction.” Tarantino gave the most genuine speech of night. “This will be the writer’s year man,” he said as the “Jaws” theme kicked in. “Peace out.”

Daniel Day Lewis won for Best Actor, although presenter Meryl Streep didn’t even open the envelope.

Ang Lee won the Best Director award for “Life of Pi.” Upon receiving the award, Lee looked up and said, “Thank you movie God.”

Ben Affleck’s “Argo” won the Best Picture statue, despite its director not even being nominated. He gave a manic speech, invoking marriage, Iran, and life in general.

“It doesn’t matter how you get knocked down in life,” he said. “All that matters is that you’ve got to get up.”